The Pope is Resigning. My God, the Pope is Resigning!

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February 11, 2013 by mark81186

As I awoke this morning, I checked the news websites because I’m 26 going on 60 and the news that the Pope was resigning at the end of the month was all over. I must admit that I was a little shocked by this news because this hasn’t happened in, oh, I don’t know, 600 years or so. I believe Larry King was first to report on Pope Gregory XII. Yes, I got my Larry King is fucking old joke old of the way, I bad one I admit, but whatever.

I’m not Catholic or even religious for that matter, but I still find this story interesting, just like how I found the 2005 Papal Conclave interesting because, as I said, I’m 26 going on 60 and apparently was a very boring individual in 2005. Living like a hermit for your first year out of high school doesn’t help, but I digress.

Pope Benedict XVI cited advanced age and health concerns for his reason to resign. Its actually a pretty good reason. If you are getting up there in age, Pope Benedict XVI is 86, and your health is failing, you can’t really represent Catholics to the best of your ability. Look of John Paul II, they were just propping him up at the end. For as long as I can remember, John Paul II was always in bad health and slouched over, as comedian Nick DiPaolo put it “like a jumbo shrimp”. I know that the Pope is chosen by a group of people called upon by God or something, like I said I’m not Catholic, but you have to say when is enough.

The top three candidates for replacing the Pope are intriguing ones at that. A betting website placed the odds on the top three because when you have an addiction to gambling, you’ll place bets on pretty much anything. Two of the candidates are from Africa, hasn’t been one in 1500 years, and are black, never has there been a black Pope, and the other is a Canadian, again there has never been a Canadian Pope.

Cardinal Marc Ouellet, the Canadian Cardinal in the running, has said int he past that being Pope “would be a nightmare”, so, I doubt he gets the nod.

The odds on favorite is Cardinal Francis Arinze from Nigeria, a converted Catholic who became the world’s youngest Cardinal at the age of 32 in 1965. He was a favorite to replace Pope John Paul II in 2005 before Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, not to be confused with John Ratzenberger, the actor who played Cliff Clavin in “Cheers”, but would have been interesting to see him become Pope, get the nod instead.

Another interesting thing to look out for is the “Prophecy of the Popes“. Get ready to hear this from conspiracy nuts in the next few days. The Prophecy states that this next Pope will be the last one ever because the world will end, saying, “112 Peter the Roman, who will nourish the sheep in many tribulations; when they are finished, the city of seven hills will be destroyed, and the dreadful judge will judge his people. The end.”

Just like how the world was supposed to end in 2012 and on two separate occasions in 2011? You may be asking yourselves, “But M. Wallace, the other prophecies were true. Explain that”. Okay. Perhaps its a mere coincidence. I’ll give you some examples

The “motto” for the 109th elected Pope was “From the midst of the moon”. Pope John Paul I began his very short term as Pope when the moon was half-full. the 110th Pope was “From the labour of the sun”, Pope John Paul II was born on the same day as a solar eclipse and entombed on the same day as a solar eclipse. The 111th Pope was “Glory of the Olive”, Pope Benedict XVI’s chose his name after the founder of the Benedictine order, whose crest consisted of olive branches.

A lot of similarities, yes, but it doesn’t really mean anything. My mother once told me that no man can predict the end of the world. It said so in the Bible or something, like I said a couple times before I’m not religious. Also, maybe they just couldn’t write forever and just decided to end it because he had something better to do, like eat dinner or herd sheep because that’s what they did back in the 1100’s.

So, we’ll see if the Cardinals decide to make history and elect a black Pope or a Canadian one at that and usher in a new era for the Catholic faith. But, really though, they’ll probably just elect another Italian or something.